my parents are thoughtful times much. after a full day of shopping for things to improve our kitchen they brought home a bag of lovely goodies for their unusual vegetarian child. items included a six ounce bag of fancy snow peas, meat-free turkey slices, veggie dogs, and taco soy 'meat'. what am i that anyone would be mindful of me? nevertheless, i am grateful. i wish you all happiness, unicorns, and red slushies to last for at least the rest of this week.

May 18
Careful Unreasonableness
"Behold the fowls of the air...Consider the lilies of the field." Matthew 6: 26,28
'Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they simply are! Think of the sea, the air, the sun, the stars and the moon-all these are, and what a ministration they exert. So often we mar God's designed influence through us by our self-conscious effort to be consisten and useful. Jesus says that there is only one way to develop spiritually, and that is by concentration on God. "Do not bother about being of use to others; believe on Me"- pay attention to the Source, and out of you will flow rivers of living water. We cannot get at the springs of our natural life by common sense, and Jesus is teaching that growth in spiritual life does not depend on our watching it, but on concentration on our Father in heaven. Our heavenly Father knows the circumstances we are in, and if we keep concentrated on Him we will grow spiritually as the lilies.
The people who influence us most are not those who buttonhole us and talk to us, but those who live their lives like the stars in heaven and the lilies in the field, perfectly simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mold us.
If you want to be of use to God, get rightly related to Jesus Christ and He will make you of use unconsciously every minute you live.'
Thank you, Mr. Chambers, thank you.

this week has been a bear.
i'm scared.
but my dad told me to take a leap of faith.
i like that idea.
and it was really inspirational to hear it coming from him.
my parents believe in me.
i feel that God is going to use me wherever i am.
but for this next year it will be there.
and this is how i choose to live, as if i'm jumping off a cliff; knowing that You'll save me; knowing that You'll save me.
i'm tired of being a lukewarm Christian. i want every part of my being to radiate Christ. i want His love to spread like fire, as it burns through me.
i am ready to fall.

Who was the guilty? Who has brought this upon Thee? Alas, my treason, Jesus, has undone Thee. I, Lord Jesus, I it was denied Thee; I crucified Thee.

please believe that things are good with me, and even when they're not, they will be soon enough.

I remember going to sleep that night, and i realized something. Something that I think is important. I realized that throughout the course of the evening, I wasn't happy about you and her breaking up. Not at all.
I never once thought that it would mean you might start liking me. All I cared about was the fact that you got really hurt. And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love you. Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter.

i finished the book tonight.
and it was good.

"There is a feeling that I had Friday night after the homecoming game that I don't know if I will ever be able to describe except to say that it is warm. Sam and Patrick drove me to the party that night, and I sat in the middle of Sam's pickup truck. Sam loves her pickup truck because I think it reminds her of her dad. The feeling I had happened when Sam told Patrick to find a station on the radio. And he kept getting commercials. And commercials. And a really bad song about love that had the word "baby" in it. And then more commercials. And finally he found this really amazing song about this boy, and we all got quiet. Sam tapped her hand on the steering wheel, Patrick held his hand outside the car and made air waves. And I just sat between them. After the song finished, I said something. "I feel infinite." And Sam and Patrick looked at me like I had just said the greatest thing they ever heard. Because the song was that great and because we all really paid attention to it. Five minutes of a lifetime were truly spent, and we felt young in a good way. I have since bought the record, and would tell you what it was, but truthfully, it's not the same unless you're driving to your first real party, and you're sitting in the middle seat of a pickup with two nice people when it starts to rain."

you're the yellow bird that i've been waiting for.

i'd like to say that i appreciate those of you who still take your mom to the movies. or go shopping with her. or escort her to dinner. to those boys who still play catch with their little brothers or read stories to their sisters. who go fishing with their fathers or grandfathers. who take off their hats inside or at church. who take pictures with black and white film. and call them photographs. who still watch disney films, napoleon dynamite and write in journals. thank you, gentlemen, for you give me hope.