On not really being able to say it any better myself.

"& they loved Him."

water babys

It`s hard to believe
that you are coming
home after a day
at the lake.
Your cheeks swollen red,
your tiny fists sticky
&grabby for my
snarling hair;
your lips pucker &
eyes squeezed tight
taking a lion-sized
yawn...

It`s hard to believe
you have only been
here for 377 days; a
little sunlight, a
little rain, a little rest,
&hours of anxious nights:
I spy your papa in the
corner there--proud of
his accomplishments,
the feats of that day.

So, whisking you upwards
and releasing you to the sky;
I wait for your
heart to fall back in
to my rocking-chaired arms.

46477968

at one point the light in your
eyes
&the light in my
eyes
met, just for a few seconds,

bought me a taco,
tossed me in the grass,
rubbed my belly
&

hugged
me
to
sleep.

I never said I was brave.

I can`t say I was one of the "cool cats" in my day. I can't say that I dressed right, or talked right, or had enviable toys. I wouldn't tell you that I spent a lot of time trying to impress anyone, at least as much as I do now. But, in my own head, somewhere, I was cool. Oh, sure I wouldn`t tell any one, so it would follow that no body knew to what great extents my coolness reached. Maybe some of my friends knew, or maybe we figured it out towards the end of the year, when we really sat down, &mulled it over. And we realised how proud of ourselves we were: because we liked the people we were growing in to.
So, even now, surrounded by far more "coolness" than I know what to do with, I can`t claim to be any closer to this ambiguously unattainable adjective. But I don`t mind. I still like the creature I`m being grown in to. &I think it`s those humans who don`t worry about being interesting, that are the best at it, any way. So you can have all your apple products, american apparel, polaroids, dave eggars novels, moleskines, &everything else your parents have never even heard of.

But, Merry Christmas, I keep the typewriter.

Fridays are the worst

for reminding me that I am not as close as I ought to be.
when the chilly air creates water unbearable,
&all the dogs are begging for daily walkings.
I miss, i Miss, I Miss...
hiding in the pantry, eating tortilla chips,
chasing ducks in the yard,
&being 1 of 5.
i know it`s a stretch to feel joy [the same way every time?]
I know, i Know, I Know...
but, you see, I haven`t been home in so many years!

b.a.-j.f.

I never really talk about you as often as you come up.
No body really asks, I suppose.
But I never inquire, either,
&so memories grow faint, but are re-drawn over &over
until your face turns in to a scribble of words, Irish Spring soap, and amateur radio.
&I am trying hard to keep at least one picture of you in my heart`s dog-eared album.
What with your English Leathered neck and hands, trips for quartered frozen treats, microwaveable pretzels, &spritzer cookies slightly burned.
Maybe I`ll cry when I ease myself in to the well-worn crackled seats of a classy 911,
or tear up if an overweight terrier greets me in the morning.
Perhaps I`ll fall in love with my children`s children,
the way you did with us.

Deep down in my heart I know that I am a coward,
&yet some how I know that when I am lingering at the edge of my driveway, for the very last time,
I know, I know, I know.
I just know that you`ll be the one there, waiting to pick me up.

93108

I hear a train moaning in the distance, &I woke up this morning in a sweat, peeled off my soaking tee, &lay quietly under covers too heavy for this weather. "Must`ve sweated out that fever," I thought to myself.
I don`t get sick often. Or at least I don`t admit it when I am.
But today. Today, I am sick. I am easily whelmed over &take every comment personally. I curl up inside of myself and listen to Bon Iver`s For Emma, For Ever Ago. I pretend that I am grown up &will live in an apartment somewhere, and maybe work two jobs, &share meals with a roommate or two. I think that college doesn`t prepare me for what`s next as well as they say it does. I`m finding the beginning of wisdom starts by loving others. I don`t know if it`s worth it quite yet. I`d like to think so. I really would.
"I`m not a fan of danger," she says.
There will be more than just falling a sleep this time.

this week has been a bear.
i'm scared.
but my dad told me to take a leap of faith.
i like that idea.
and it was really inspirational to hear it coming from him.
my parents believe in me.
i feel that God is going to use me wherever i am.
but for this next year it will be there.
and this is how i choose to live, as if i'm jumping off a cliff; knowing that You'll save me; knowing that You'll save me.
i'm tired of being a lukewarm Christian. i want every part of my being to radiate Christ. i want His love to spread like fire, as it burns through me.
i am ready to fall.