This year

I want to be a good steward.

The Quiet

Confession.
For most of my life I have been shy. There may have been approx. 3 weeks of my entire existence where I pretended to be an extrovert (probably around the time I started college), but deep down I knew my heart couldn't take it for long. This is truth: I am shy; I am quiet; I am oftentimes (I hope unbeknownst to others) terribly worrisome and may be guilty of thinking too much. Okay, okay, I think too much. It still makes me a little sad when I finish a good book, because I invest in the characters and feel like I'm losing a group of really cool friends. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing; but you see what I mean.
So I find it interesting that I gravitate towards those who are not as quiet as I have been. Many of my friends are and can be (for lack of a more graceful description) loud. They are boisterous and in charge and have fun and reap the benefits of being known. And for that I am grateful. Maybe if I had too many friend who were just like me we'd all sit around and say nice things about each other. Which sounds cute, but could become terribly boring after about 20 minutes.

I guess what I am saying is this: I have grown up in the boisterous and in charge and have fun, but instead have become the gentle, deferential, and speak softly. It is not so much an ultimatum as an internal observation, and as for this time of year, I think it's a pretty good place for me to be.

all right?

I may have forgotten what it feels like to simply exist without an agenda beyond waking up, exercising, working, playing with Goose, and falling asleep.
It is a humbling process.

on investing your love.

A friend of mine recently lamented? exclaimed? that I had "everything" I wanted. And even though I couldn't tell if it was unmet longing or cryptic relief on their part, I couldn't help but think that everything I have now could very well be all I ever need. Forever? Perhaps. It seems idealistic of me to confess that at 24 years old, I can't possibly imagine anything else that I need to be content. It is only a feeling you know if you have it, but also a feeling you know if you don't.
At church today, we prayed a lot of peace prayers, lighting little tealights around the unity candle, and I couldn't deny the overwhelming sense of peace that passes my ideas of self and others and the world. I also couldn't deny the realization that I have stopped comparing myself to others, or, at least, have not dwelt on it as strongly as before.
I think it's a freedom that's just as real as what most Americans are honoring today.

On not disappointing.

For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint; if it delays, wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late. -Habakkuk

Brian and I are getting married! Tell all your friends.

on sleeping hiccup attacks.

So there's a little creature in my life that sleeps on his back, dawdles in the bushes, and dreams long and hard. And I've never had a tiny heart rely on my own so much for everything. Oh, wait, I mean EVERYTHING. And this wasn't exactly how I had planned things: jobless, carless, moneyless...and yet, I can't complain when I think of all the little things. That I haven't been faithful in. All the big things that have yet to happen. And all the big things that already have in spite of myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is just this: I'm still here. Things are happening. She is faithful, even when I am not. He cannot deny Himself.

And, proof:

On big time commitments.

There's no ring, but this is a pretty damn good start.