Keep Talking

So we got another dog. I'm pretty sure raising puppies is a gift, and if so then Christmas came early to the Hardgrave household. Also, on a side note, I asked Dragon to come over to her pee pads and told her to "go potty." SHE PEED ON THE PEE PAD ON COMMAND. WTF. I feel like I can do anything good! If you have not had this experience, you are in for a real treat. I suppose if you can housetrain a puppy, you can do pretty much do anything. Also, everyone is instantly your best friend. Drivers rubberneck and risk traffic collisions, cyclists back pedal and runners will jog in place to stop and greet your tiny friend. You don't think this happens where you live? Okay, you're right I've never been to the moon, so I might be making a generalization about the earth. I find it terribly intriguing the effects a 3 lb. mammal can have on the human race.

streams: incessant mercy

So I have been thinking about updating for a while now, but every time I sit down to write, I find myself editing to the point of nothingness. (It's okay if that didn't make sense.) So, instead, I am going to be practicing a little technique called stream of consciousness. Don't worry, it will not be too deep to wade. (: I started working a full time job again in mid-January. I'm terribly grateful to have a job but not feeling any pride or loyalty to my position. So there's that. It is a comfort to receive a paycheck on a (somewhat) regular basis and know that I won't be petitioning relatives for money any more. I still haven't really made any new friends here, which is hard for a number of reasons. I love living in the city and being with Brian and Goose but I haven't felt that sense of "belonging" in quite some time. Brian and I watched a movie on Netflix last weekend called The Giant Mechanical Man. Jenna Fischer was one of the main characters and as far as Hollywood goes, one of the more realistic portrayals of a human being that I have seen. You could watch it if you have Netflix. Basically, she is a single 30-something woman living in NYC, going from temp job to "highly overqualified for the position" job, etc. And at one point in the film she says, "Why is it so important to everyone that I need to know what I want to do?! Isn't just being me enough?" In summary: I don't know what I want to do in life but I feel that "just being me" is not enough! What about your future, your family, having enough money to live, being fulfilled, working towards the greater good? What of it?! I suppose you could posture that I have too much time to think these days. Perhaps so. There are some days that my heart aches to be close to people that already know me, those easy friendships and relationships that have become just so because of the time and attention given. Maybe something very good is right around the bend! So I keep paddling, not quite as furiously, because eventually we always end up back on shore.

on what can be said (again)

I have a place to go Monday through Friday from 8:30am-5pm. So...why do I feel exactly the same?

My prayers for the week

1. Help! 2. Hey, mind if I borrow that? 3. Thanks!

I need you to realize how important it is to tell your body what a good job it is doing every day. And also how unnecessary opening retail stores at 8pm tomorrow night will be. Corporate America, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Middlemarch

He had never liked the makeshifts of poverty, and they had never before entered into his prospects for himself; but he was beginning now to imagine how two creatures who loved each other, and had a stock of thoughts in common, might laugh over their shabby furniture, and their calculations how far they could afford butter and eggs. -George Eliot

on what can be said

Hi. It appears that when one has more time than she knows what to do with, very little actually gets done. At least, that is what this she has found. Here I am, at the end of October, wishing that the weather would at least pretend to behave and shed its perpetual summer skin. But, no luck. I think it's about 85 right now. I'm still looking for a job. I am reading Mockingjay, trying to convince Brian that the fact that it is labeled "YA" does not negate the point that I am reading again. Which is something. I'd like to tell you that my recent transition into marriage has righted every concern and answered every question I've ever held in my heart. But it has not, and I guess I am glad that it hasn't. Instead, it has decided to bring with it more concerns and questions to which I know the correct response to quite few. I found that my husband enjoys making lists, and I suppose I am not immune to this simple task either. Here are some things I have noted in my first 100 days or so: Clean up your dishes. Vacuum the floors at least twice a week. Make sure the dog has a full bowl of water. Limit t.v. exposure. Kiss each other when you leave and when you come back. Go outside. Let me get the mail. Let him play games. Make the bed. Open the blinds in the morning. Don't wear nail polish for more than two weeks. Eat fruit & vegetables. (Try to disguise them if you're not as good at this as you thought.) Maybe you found something on this list that was really helpful for your relationship, or something new that you'd like to try out. I hope so! And if I had a verse to share with you I'm pretty sure it'd be the one from Psalms... "O Lord, do not delay!" I'm not sure why, but this is what I want you to have. Also, let me know if you'll be in Florida this coming week, because it looks like I will be too.