On Being Mean

I had a bad day yesterday.  Nothing was wrong, except I hated everything and took it out on someone I care very much about and traffic and to be honest, was legitimately lucky that I didn't get into a car accident. (Trust me, there was plenty of time for it to happen...)

I know that everyone has bad days now and then, for good reason or for none at all, but I am still sorry I haven't figured out how to manage all those things that inevitably start to snowball and end up exploding in an awkwardly guttural yell that leaves the back of my throat itchy and raw for days.

And I am still learning that people are good and true and reliable and all of the things that you don't realize you need until they're sitting in front of you being needed.

It's still hard for me to believe I'm deserving of all the "second chances" that inevitably make an appearance in this life, but maybe now I can slowly realize that I am.

wilder street

i can`t tell you why
i chose that sticky, sweet cake
only Opi knows.

j.e.h.

you!
Now,
I do not claim to be an expert on this sort
of music, church, &art;
but you with your rolled &beat up jeans and cap, quietly climb the hill to that place where
on a morning unplanned &traded shirts debut,
we saw you, victorious, Book in hand, and it was good.
Oh, may I learn to listen and not be afraid of seventh generation solidarity in a house of wolves!
Oh! may all that come behind us find us faith-full!

as bold as lions.

Wisdom wears care full shawls, &walks slowly, &speaks softly, even between eight and eleven.
&knows that it is good to hear words, and recognise whose voice it belongs to.
even when you are ambiguous.

it takes a steady hand to navigate the covetous waters.

I have hardly learned to tie my own shoes, &you are already slipping into your loafers, sliding your briefcase under your arm, &out the door you go. I know that you cannot wait for me. I know you weren`t really around all that much then. So, it is sort of the same now, even. Why couldn`t you have told me about these things? Why did I leave the sole place I considered home?
It was good to see you today, even though I donot quite know what to say any longer.
Agh! I am certainly sorry for that!
I am sorry for being distracted!
I am sorry for being awkward!
I am sorry for being crude&inappropriate&nonchalant!
I would like to drink some cups of forgiveness, please.