refill with life.

I can`t help but think that my Omi, on returning home, is weeping because Opi is gone. I can`t help but to think that.

&also, how nice it is to not "want" for any thing. If I were to explain it to you, well, for me it is like a good stroke of watercolour on that special paper made just for watercolours, mixed with sea foam green and chamomile tea; sleeping in the same bed with your younger sister; watching good burger for the sixteenth time and having it be just as good as the first; realizing you have enough money to buy the literature necessary for your fourth semester at that silly place called college; knowing that your older brother is in love; being forgiven and making peace with your mom; feeling as though you can run to the aurora borealis and back; and speaking redemption over the man who gave you a name and a home.
It`s kind of like that.
Be alive, brothers and sisters.

and it read like a horn blown

it was me, bunny, who let you down.

the limnetic zone is open water in the middle of a lake or pond.

it is seven : twenty-eight and right now I am procrastinating. I even like life science; honest, i do! I think I`m tired, though.
I wrote many Christmas cards today.
&clipped my fingernails. they look good!
I also realized that I am in no place to be exclusively sharing my soul with one boy, or any boys for that matter. It was a sort of "eureka" moment. sort of.
in summary, i had a waffle at breakfast and wrote Nina a letter.

hear all the bombs fade away

In the past month...
i have drunken (drinked, dranked?) 3 naked juices.
i have received two fish as gifts.
i have sent approx. 32 e-cards to family and friends.
i have hand-written 28 letters and postcards to family and friends.
i have gone to the zoo.
i have caught one sore throat.
i have been in 4 states in 1 day.
i have attended two creative concerts.
i have been in the company of my family.
i have seen aaron weiss.
i have written 4 pages of journal.
i have not watercoloured.
i have compiled 3 mix compact discs.
i embarked on 3 bicycle adventures.
i have lost my chapstick.
i have recycled 2 waterbottles.
i have read 2 books simply because.
i have not taken any photographs.
chamomile has become my preference in tea.
i have purchased 5 things from ebay.
i have unearthed my hidden love for the decemberists.
i have not gone iceskating.
the harp has become my favourite instrument.
i have not shaved my armpits.
[perhaps the entire reason for this list was to confess that last one.]

Also, I am a simple. There. I said it. That is something that I suppose people do not perceive about me. They think I'm wise or something. When, in fact, I am not. Maybe I just present things so basically, that it seems complex. I don't know. But I am free. And some of my best times have been had singularly, solely in the presence of the Lamb. And I can afford to be harmless. My Dad is a Tiger.
Walk in hope and love, dear brothers and sisters. Truly know the He is faithful, His plans are bigger, and He is better than the most beautiful you could imagine. He is the reward: the prize at the end of the race, so to speak.

&Diana is weird: thanks for the hug, goodnight!

in the dusk of the day

i`ve been wanting to "update" for quite a spell now. but...well...you know...i just haven`t found the time. what i mean to say is, i have been unable to find the "right" time. wherever you are.
thanksgiving was just lovely. everytime i go home it is different. but good. a different kind of good.
what i remember most was my mom reaching over in the car and patting my wrist and telling me that everything was going to be "all right." &ibelieved it.
i have my beliefs. but i don`t want my beliefs. God of Peace, I want YOU
I don`t want Church; I don`t want these Feelings; I don`t want Religion; I don`t want the Faith of my Friends; I want You.
today, the harp is my favourite instrument.
shalom.

my homesickness, absurd.

sometimes, when you run out of words, it`s o.k. to use others.
"God is Love and Love is real, but the dead are dancing with the dead and though all that`s charming disappears all things lovely only hurt my head as I gather stones from fields like pearls of water on my fingers` ends and wrap them up in boxes, safe from windows, from things that break, as the night-time shined like day it saw my sorry face, hair a mess but it liked me best that way (besides, how else could I confess? When I looked down like if to pray, well I was looking down her dress...)
Good God, Please! Catch for us the foxes in the vineyard- the little foxes.
Turn your ear, musician, to silence because they only come out when it`s quiet, their tails brushing over your eyelids- wake up, sleeper, and rise from the dead! Or the fur that they shed will cover your bed in a delicate orange-ish cinnamon red, Ah, I don`t need this!
I have my loves, I have my doubts. I don`t need this."

my inability to love others as Jesus would have me is my meager attempt to fill a vacuous hole with a half-hearted truth.

platypus&seahorse

early this morning i had a pretty amazing dream.
i am going to write it down on here so as to not forget it.
well, i was at the beach in a tide pool i spose, when off in the distance i spied something in the water. upon retreiving said something, i discovered that it was a baby platypus, small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. he opened his tiny bill and yawned. then i let him go. next, i discovered a baby seahorse, all curled up. he stretched out in my hand, then i let him go too. after this, i woke up.
this was, perhaps, the cutest dream i have ever dreamed.
i hope i have more!

love must be sincere.

what a pleasant week I have had. God is faithful! College is such a diverse place for me to reflect His love back on others. Today, my heart is at peace. with everything
it`s only 10:18 in the evening, but i am sleepy.
it is friday, and i have been a good steward of it. i truly believe that Jesus smiles on us as we drift off to sleep.
let your gentleness be evident to all, dear ones. pursue Him relentlessly, with every fiber of your being.
breathe in and be still

should we go outside?

my clavicles hurt.
God is love.
i have been listening to waterdeep and the weakerthans alot as of late. this happens to be one of my favorite lyrics: "in love with love and lousy poetry."
and also,
"i want to take every empty jar, fill it up with the soil and sea..."
i started reading a book about Haiti today. it hurts my heart, but that is good.
i miss people.
i would like to visit tampa very much.
elise sent me some verses yesterday. they lifted my spirits.
brick is getting married tomorrow.
(:

it`s so nice to be alive in such a wonderful year

turn your face to the wind.
cross your eyes and dry your tears.
You brought hope and a home.
to those of us who had none.
none had.
i`m so glad You came.
it`s been raining all day.
but i am satisfied with You.
&with You here now.

and what about you, salome?

"And when the sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, had bought sweet spices, that they might come and anoint Him." mark 16:1

happy easter, salome.

He came so mary, mary, and salome could have life and have it abundantly. He came so that we could be free. i`m free!

Hallelujah! He reigns!

Compassion, by Henri M. Nouwen
this book is changing me.

"Simply being with someone is difficult because it asks of us that we share in the other`s vulnerability, enter with him or her into the experience of weakness and powerlessness, become part of uncertainty, and give up control and self-determination. And still, whenever this happens, new strength and new hope is being born."

&also,

"When we take a critical look at ourselves, we have to recognize that competition, not compassion, is our main motivation in life. This all-pervasive competition, which reaches into the smallest corners of our relationships, prevents us from entering into full solidarity with each other, and stands in the way of our being compassionate. Being compassionate would require giving up dividing lines and relinquishing differences and distinctions. A divine compassion is a compassion without the slightest tinge of competition."

nina blessed me in a letter. (:

do you have a story to tell? [i`ll listen]

is He not enough for me? are You not enough, my sweet Jesus?
who am i. who am i. who am i. to speak a word of doubt outloud? i am a disgrace to Your name. when You are the one Who has provided me everthing. nay, more than everything i could ever possibly desire. it has already been taken care of.
and yet,
i still doubt. i am not joyful & content. i am restless, and my mind is spilling over with meaningless thoughts. i get distracted and frustrated. the secret, inner desires of my heart are growing cold.
this is my call to life.