Wednesday, September 22, 2010

you cannot serve both

I don't want to sell my life for money, but some days it can be tempting.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

like a river

Some times I get worried that my life isn't turning out quite how it should be. Some days I wake up and wish I was going to ride my bicycle to the letterpress factory or retirement center instead of the animal hospital. I wish I could go on walks with my dog and play fetch at the park. I even wish most of my ships were further along than they seem to be.
For me, it is hard mostly to be content in today. I know it is an important skill to have, seeing as life is just a bunch of todays strung together, so I am working harder at that. I think contentedness and inner peace, in general, are lacking in a society that slyly questions satisfaction and pushes its students towards insatiable desires.
I took a trip to San Francisco a few weekends ago, which is where I took this picture. There's nothing incredibly symbolic about it; it's just open books that look like they're falling from the sky, and the sun happened to be shining at that point in the day. I am warming up to that city, but I wonder if I woke up in an apartment in North Beach if I'd be any more peaceful than waking up where I am today. I'm pretty sure there are things that need to change inside of my own heart before I could truly live a life that is turning out quite how I think it should be. "Whatever my lot," I suppose.

Monday, September 13, 2010

on quiet confidence

I know people think I really like animals. And I do, for the most part. But it's not because I think they "get me" better than humans, even though I think they can be a lot more honest than we are. For instance, I have never met a skunk that liked me. Mostly, because I have never met a skunk in general, and I think that is an obvious way of realizing if any creature is interested in getting to know you. Several dogs (and even cats) have willingly greeted me and I think they were okay with just a pat or a good scratch behind the ears.
I took one of the shelters dogs out to the park the other day and she seemed to be honestly excited about it. And I know animals don't feel or think or act the same way we do, but I'll be damned if that dog wasn't terribly happy to be there. I'm sure it could have been with anyone, but it made me feel really good that she was rolling around in the grass and snapping her jaws and pawing the air like she did this every weekend.
And sometimes I just wonder what it would be like if we could express our joy as openly as they do. If it would be easier to love each other because we knew what we were getting ourselves into, and we knew that it would be a walk in the park.
I guess there's nothing really Biblical about that, but it is something to think about.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

some sort of light

I remember when I found out that a girl from my high school was pregnant. I was standing in front of Barnes and Noble when O said, "Did you know M's pregnant?" (No.) "Are you kidding me?" (No.) I remember seeing "the guy" one day when I was driving. I had heard he wasn't interested in becoming a father, and I told him so behind the protection of my tinted windows.
I thought about M today, and I think she's doing pretty well. I've seen pictures of her boy, and, what can I say? He's incredible.
I guess what I'm getting at is that life happens whether we think it's the right time or not. Mostly I forget this, but I am trying to keep it all in perspective.