Tuesday, December 25, 2007


Dear Ryan,
Well, Merry Christmas! I haven`t seen you in quite some time, &...well...I miss you a bit. A lot, actually, &i don`t really know why i`ve never told you that. I mean, Christmas was all right, fine, i guess. But who said you were allowed to grow up so quickly? Who says you have your own life & were lucky enough to meet a girl as sweet &kind as she? Oh, laughing man, what have you won? I`m missing out on important parts of your life. &it seems that neither of us care enough to pick up the two tin cans &have an honest-to-goodness conversation that dusts the cobwebs collecting in the corners of our rooms. [for years now!]
All i`m trying to say is i`m sorry. &i miss you. &i love you.
See you one day, Lion-heart.
Your sister,

Monday, December 24, 2007


Let all mortal flesh keep silence, &with fear &trembling stand; ponder nothing earthly minded, for with blessing in His hand, Christ our God to earth descendeth, our full homage to demand.
King of kings, yet born of Mary, as of old on earth He stood, Lord of lords, in human vesture, in the body &the blood; He will give to all the faithful His own self for heavenly food.
Rank on rank the host of heaven spreads its vanguard on the way, as the Light of light descendeth from the realms of endless day, that the powers of hell may vanish as the darkness clears away.
At His feet the six wingèd seraph, cherubim with sleepless eye, veil their faces to His presence, as with ceaseless voice they cry:
Hallelujah, Hallelujah; Hallelujah, Lord Most High!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

long night

tossing &turning,
unable to rest soundly,
peacefully frustrated and furiously I
check the clock
teasing me:
there are only four [three!] hours till light.
"Good night, socks."

to where have You wandered, little lamb?
let me gather You up in my arms
&carry You safely to the fold
of sweet dreams,
well-rested sleeps,
&little hearts proudly beating.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

part 3.

with sudsy fingers scrubbing the scalp of a grimy eleven-year old,
she sits back on her heels, with beating heart &thinks:
"yes, yes, i am a live."

Monday, December 17, 2007

part 2.

to be unselfish &kind with hope &bright words,
&to plant flowers side by side in zig-zaggy rows.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
yes, this is living.

Friday, December 14, 2007

a messy, full life: part 1.

January, 1979. [May, 1987.]
Saw a terrible crash and I couldn`t help but laugh,
As my ear pressed against the past like a glass on a wall of a house in a photograph.
My forehead no longer sweet with holy kisses worthy of Your fiery lips.
I was floating in a peaceful sea "rescued" by a sinking ship.

If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall. [If could be your servant]
If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall. [If I could be your servant]
If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall. [If could be your servant]
If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall. [If I could be your servant]

You watch me like a ten car highway wreck with detached, vulgar curiosity.
This looking down at the tops of the hats of us passers-by from your seventh floor balcony.
From such a height you missed creatures too small for sight carry on covert conversations.
And the misguided insects crown me their grasshopper king with a dance of celebration.

After years with a crown on my head, I`ve grown overfed, unconcerned, &comfortably numb.
Kept busy indulging in the pleasures of the wealthy.
[Someone make me afraid of what I`ve become!]
At the first sign of possible sorrow, I turned my heels &ran.
[Oh, I`ll never learn.]
My life is a cup of sugar I`ve borrowed before time began &forgot to return.

It was a matter of time--I always said I could see so now I`m going blind. [I could be your servant]
It was a matter of time--I always said I could see so now I`m going blind. [If I could be your servant]
It was a matter of time--I always said I could see so now I`m going blind. [I could be your servant]
It was a matter of miserable time-- but I heard somewhere there was a cure for useless eyes? [If I could be your servant]

Sunday, December 9, 2007

what child is this, sir?

"The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf &the lion &the fatling together, &a little child shall lead them." -Isaiah 11:6

Monday, December 3, 2007

&with waters welling up

reaching out with one cooling hand, he wiped the fever from my brow.
&spoke in silence joyous sounds
that should either be suffocated
or screamed out loud.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

little paper people chains

bitterness was broken today.
&forgiveness flowed freely from my mouth &hands.
&it was all most as though I had met you for the first time, for good.
it wasn`t cordiality, even.
we were fractured humans.
at our finest, bleeding all over the place.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

50 gallon fish tank

I want every one to eat three full meals today.
I want us to utilize public transportation &bicycles.
I want every car I see to have at least 5 people in it, unless it can seat more.
I want my heart to be still when I pass older, Hispanic gentlemen.
I want to have quality dialogue with strangers.
I want to put up lost &found signs for the family whose retriever went missing.
I want to rest fully.
I want His whispers.
I want to love more simply.
I want to live more sincerely.

Monday, November 26, 2007


"Grab three pitchers of water," he says, "we`ll drive down to Malibu &do our part." [throw some water on the fire?][!]
Oh! How I confuse myself with this future talk!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Hardwood Hands

The lovely bones/Her quiet laugh/Silence&stillness/In a cacophanous hall.
Of two-hundred souls/Stacked two-stories high.
In hushed tones/She wanders/Outloud.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

that curiously, bizarre thing

You. You, sir.
You are of a curious sort.
The kind I cannot seem to understand
No matter how hard I try
Or [how hard] you laugh[!]
Or how much is said
You curious thing; notion in my mind
The kind I cannot seem to understand
Stay that Way.
Do not change.
Display poorly crafted art
You curiously, perplexing being,
That I cannot seem to understand.
Stay that Way.
I do not want to build a
White, picket fence around
Or my
Curiously, bizarre, misunderstanding heart.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

and not one motion her gesture could I forget.

The prettiest bag lady I ever met.
Pushing her cart in the rain, then gathering plastic and glass
She watched the day pass,
Not hour by hour... but pain by pain.
I was a basket filled with holes, &she was the sand I tried to hold
That ran out behind me as I swung with some invisible hand.

I stopped believing, You start to move
[She was like wine turned to water then turned back to wine]
I stopped my leaving &the better man bloomed
[&You can pour us out and we won`t mind]

I was dead then alive,
She was like wine turned to water then turned back to wine;
You can pour us out, we won't mind,
As scratch around the mouth of the glass, "My life is no longer mine."

&if you`re still looking for a blanket, sweetie,
I`m sorry, I'm no sort of fabric;
But if you need a tailor... then take your torn shirt, stumble up my stairs,
&mumble your pitiful prayers and in your tangled, knotted sleep,
Our midnight needles go to work until all comfort and fear flows in one river
Down in the shop by the mirror where you see yourself whole... and it makes you shiver.

I stopped believing, You start to move
[She was like wine turned to water then turned back to wine]
I stopped my leaving and the better man bloomed
[& You can pour us out and we won`t mind]

I was dead then alive,
She was like wine turned to water then turned back to wine;
You can pour us out, we won`t mind,
As scratch around the mouth of the glass, "Our lives our not our own."

Even the wind lay still,
Our essence was fire and cold & movement, movement...
Oh, if they ask you for the sign of the Father in you,
Tell them it`s movement, movement, movement &... repose.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

i am a child in these hills.

I think I would like to join a house church.
I think we need more "hey, Dad," prayers, sloppiness and true community, tears, rejoicing with the rejoicers, and fracturing with the broken. We ought to break bread together &linger over fellowship longer. I should walk more slowly, talk more gently, &love more strongly. It appears that the Lord is more interested in the marginalized outskirted pocket pigeons of society, than the popular, unblemished lambs. I am one of those pigeons, you know. Perhaps we all are. What if we are just sposed to flock together, care for one another, and line our nests with feathers &soft things?
How good and pleasing it is when brothers &sisters dwell together in unity!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

our old neighbour with four cats.

I hesitated to think about the future today.
But then your letter came. &I wasn`t so afraid.

poetic waxings

Thing I Liked About Today.
1. Children's laughter
2. Breakfast waffles
3. Good company
4. Warm massage tables
5. Musical worship
6. Old friends
7. New friends
8. Good books
9. Writing &penmanship
10. Leggings
11. Yawns

Saturday, November 3, 2007

peregrine falcons

tnaw I I want
.sterces siH His secrets.
sih ,ecno roF For once, his
.sterces tsetfoS Softest Secrets.

Monday, October 22, 2007

but you can reach me.

A time of contrast would be previous ¤t attitudes towards humans.
The good, uncommon reality is that there are those apart from your very self who are certainly capable of keeping confidence and trust.
Now, if you think, like me, those people are few and far between, well, perhaps you are right.
But may be there are more than you once thought.
&may be you are not quite the man or woman or child you are going to be.

Friday, October 19, 2007

four word letter, part 2.

we have our beliefs.
but we don`t want our beliefs.
God of Peace,
we want You.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Fridays are good for loafing.

Lord, I know not what to ask of You.
You alone know what my true needs are.
You love me more than I myself know how to love.
Help me to see my real needs, which may be hidden from me.
I dare not ask for either a cross or a consolation.
I can only wait upon You; my heart is open to You.
Visit and help me in Your steadfast love.
Strike me and heal me; cast me down and raise me up.
I worship in silence Your holy will.
I offer myself to You as a living sacrifice.
I put all my trust in You.
I have no other desire than to fulfill your will.
Teach me to Pray. Pray Yourself in me.
-Metropolitan of Philaret of Moscow

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Real Hero

"Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning &loving the world all over again. That`s what takes a real hero."

Friday, October 5, 2007

we only know four boring people

"There are too many internet memes about figuring out which key you are on the keyboard, and there are maybe not enough memes for telling your friends about exciting beautiful things that made your day better. You should do that, today! That is what I am doing, friends!" -j. comeau

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

who, with quiet confidence,

I am a great cynic, & a great hoper.
I live slightly unrealistically.
I do not mind.

Sunday, September 30, 2007


I went to the zoo today. I found myself wanting to push small, bilingual children on swings, &spectate an afternoon-long soccer game. I found myself soaking strips of paper in paste, &expertly layering them over chicken wire. I found myself enjoying an opossum: for the first time in however long I have been alive. They only live up to four years, you know.
Tonight is good for being quiet, &studying stewardly, &living hopefully.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

I find that tenderness often goes underestimated.

I am not the wisest of children, &I expect You to come in rushing wind, &loud sounds, and fantastic displays of light &noise &magnitude. I do not find it half so believeable when You come to me through other women, &sweet words, and flowers, and fellowship, & "you`re too tender"s, & not behaving as I ought. I say that I want closeness with the Lord, but search me and know that I am often found lying quietly in the evening, waiting for the lightning, when He is already gently raining love &trust over me.
&that`s all I got. In a feeble attempt to mimick Buchner, I stretched my hands out, &whispered "Please, Lord," over &over. And do you know what He told me? He told me that He loved me, &He told me to trust Him.
That`s all.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

back through the park.

"It`s hard to say the right words without practice, I said & she whispered in my ear, Say them as many times as you like & we practiced late into the night."

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I like the weather today.

I like that I can walk across the lawn, &wave to the groundskeeper, even though I don`t really know him.
I like that I remembered that it was Wednesday, &made a waffle for breakfast, because that is what I say I do.
I like that Diana is starting a grass roots movement based on love.
I like that Geoffrey is reading these days, &that our exchange was almost cordial, if not friendly.
For I have missed that.

Sunday, September 16, 2007


"I`m going to start setting realistic goals for myself. I`m going to skateboard every day for as long as the weather allows. I`m going to practice picking locks more regularly. I`m going to improve my French. I'm going to improve my Arabic. I`m going to learn to fight. I`m going to live in a decommissioned submarine with my friends. Good morning, Jeff. Ping. Are we out of toast? Ping. We`ll have to send someone into town. Ping. I`m going to start going out at night, dressed all in black, with my hood up. I`m going to stand in the shadows where a lot of people walk past. I`m going to encrypt my hard drive for fun. I`m going to encrypt the words, "You do good work" and I`m going to send it to every intelligence agency I can think of. "

movement &timing

Today stood on her own.
I simply walked along beside.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

as bold as lions.

Wisdom wears care full shawls, &walks slowly, &speaks softly, even between eight and eleven.
&knows that it is good to hear words, and recognise whose voice it belongs to.
even when you are ambiguous.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

september 3,2006.

Technically, mules (a cross between a donkey and horse) are unable to reproduce.
Technically, it appears I like to put limits on what You can do.
I hope to change that.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Listening, to hear You breathe.

"Well, there are times I wish I was a Persian cat, &I lay curled up inside Your lap."

Thursday, August 30, 2007

you can`t have one without the other.

I miss the rains of kindness you showered over me so freely
That I did not even mind getting wet.
Oh, precious son, where have you gone?

Saturday, August 25, 2007

she put on happiness like a loose dress.

You dance inside my chest, where no one sees You,
But sometimes I see You

Thursday, August 23, 2007

truth in grass blades

"I don`t think Jesus had a very balanced life; but I do think He had a strong purpose &focus."
-Stu Cleek

Sunday, August 19, 2007

you see,

I purchased a green cotton blanket to cover my dinosaur duvet today.
I am still growing, I spose.
Elise blessed me with a cozy couch as well.
I would like to sit down for a day or two &figure out how life is going.
In other news, I like to think there is a quiet strength in the gentle service of submission to others.
There is a simple joy in the crissing &crossing of legfull strides.
I encourage pursual of grace &all that would entail.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

it takes a steady hand to navigate the covetous waters.

I have hardly learned to tie my own shoes, &you are already slipping into your loafers, sliding your briefcase under your arm, &out the door you go. I know that you cannot wait for me. I know you weren`t really around all that much then. So, it is sort of the same now, even. Why couldn`t you have told me about these things? Why did I leave the sole place I considered home?
It was good to see you today, even though I donot quite know what to say any longer.
Agh! I am certainly sorry for that!
I am sorry for being distracted!
I am sorry for being awkward!
I am sorry for being crude&inappropriate&nonchalant!
I would like to drink some cups of forgiveness, please.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

writer`s block

I am curious as to why we have not run into one another so far on campus.
[&after all this, that is all I have to say?!]

Wednesday, August 8, 2007


I have felt my age for the first time in quite a while.
I like who I am growing up into.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007


"I promise you not a moment will be lost as long as I have heart & voice to speak & we will walk again together with a thousand others & a thousand more & on & on until there is no one among us who does not know the truth: there is no future without love."

[andnot just that romantic kind, either.]

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

on being joyful&content.

I am a minimalist when it comes to running. [Please note, I said running, not writing.]
Not the actual running part, but just the "gear" that is brought along with me. Apart from my trusty sneakers, old teeshirts, &swishy shorts, I am a lean, mean...uhhh, well, you know the rest. Sometimes my wrist carries a watch, but as of late, it has not. Summer evenings are good for jogs with no deadlines, nothing to race home to, &only the slowly sinking skyline to remind you that dinner should be ready soon. &ever since I made the jump to no ipod, my runs have become more feather-finding, less oblivious to dirt packed under my soles. I scrawled a page in my journal one morning, after a particularly freeing frollick through the hills of Santa Barbara, &it was simply this:
running brings joy.
that`s it. because on that day, those few hours spent exploring&thinking&praying&singing&living, my heart beat not blood, but joy through my veins.
I have tried many a time to mimick that run, &all the things that came along with it, but of course, joy runs come when least expected. Today was a day like any other. I awoke &attended church &did other sunday things, &then, like those old Nike commercials, I "just did it." I laced up my grey nb`s with my special socks from dad, &I was off! [not streaking, mind you, I just didnot mention the rest of my clothing...] It was hot today, &I have a talent for sweating in even mid seventies weather. &I don`t mean the cute "glisten" type sweat; I mean soaking wet sweat. Now you know. On my way past the Presbyterian Church, I spied a feather, &I knew that it was a joy-run-sort-of-day.
&my heart has been indecisive, &unsettled &restless these "passing sunrises &sunsets," but today,
today was a day like no other.
Hallelujah, Jesus.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

i think that perhaps, what if, oh, nevermind.

You dance as eloquently as you speak, I said, but it is time now for you to go under the hill.
Thank you for the waltz &teaching me the two-step.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Happy Camper

"What if we all got along &people loved each other &sang songs about peace? he said. Would that be a good world? &I said I didn`t know about that, but it would be a good summer camp &he looked at me &shook his head &said; it`s no wonder you`re leaving us with such a mess."

Monday, July 9, 2007

if you have the time...

Try a Little Tenderness,
by Alex V. Cook, Music Editor

"I find that tenderness often goes underestimated in this world. We try to channel our wolf nature to accomplish things, believing that its our howl and gnash that get business done in this world, but truly, it is the meek that inherit the earth. Wolves , without fail square off against each other and while the melee has its fireworks and sexiness, you end up with 1 or 2 dead wolves. The real power is wielded by those that keep it in check, their resolve quiet but unflinching, requiring no sense of combat or bombast to accomplish a goal. They aren`t fighting the thunderstorms, they are talking to he wind, and in the long run, they will get a better return on investment. It`s this quiet resolve that attracts me to spooky delicate acoustic music. Its parts are immediately recognizable, its structure ofter pared down to the minimum , making every element crucial. And I`m not talking Belle and Sebastian mellow here, I`m talking the spook folk of Will Oldham and Current 93 and Ben Chasny and now a new couple of forest dwellers Mi and L`au. She (Mi, Finnish) and and he (L`au, French) met in Paris where she worked as a model, he a soundtrack musician, did the bohemian flat-hopping thing and then bolstered by the warmth of their love made off to a cabin in the frozen woods of Finland, and their music reflects this spares essentiality. The music supporting their small voices consists of carefully picked guitar and the occasional mandolin. They trade off vocals, with Mi`s whisper and L`au`s clipped delivery making you listen closer, as if a ghost is telling you a secret.

The opening track "They Marry" picks and ticks like a clock, detailing the cycle of lover between lovers, with a feathery dizzying merry-go-round twinkle and swoon supporting it, while a later song actually title "Merry Go Round" sounds as if the contraption of the opening number has been drugged and is slowly winding itself into hibernation. It`s heavenly stuff, the slow orbits it creates. It`s in the sparser tracks like "Philosopher" however, where the real magic lies. The gentle acoustic guitar and light harmonies are akin to watching a candle flicker. "I`ve Been watching You" with its slow Nick Drake fingerpicked development shows the group to have a sinister side amongst all this sylvan filigree. "Burns" which highlights Mi`s voice the best, offers a solution for all those soft voiced women who are looking to sound powerful but end up sounding cutesy. Her vocal style is almost like a bamboo flute, simple but direct, cutting though the various ambiance that has been attached to the recording. "Older" languidly rolls out like a Quaalude sunset, while the string laden "A Word in Your Belly" has the deep grandeur of a John Adams or Arvo Part string piece, no doubt coming from L`au`s experience scoring for films. The way slight rain drops or something like that sound like they are falling on the strings themselves is just sublime.

This album is rife with twists and turns, toy pianos and zithers and who knows what else crop up here and there, but it`s in the voice and the palpable connection between the two that centers this most gentle and elegant of records. It reminds me of the earlier Damon and Naomi albums or maybe Dome (I think that`s what it was called, one of those lesser known Mute groups that only resurfaced in compilation albums) but with a decided hermetic cast about it. Like This Mortal Coil and Dead Can Dance with none of the bombast and twice the embers. Like the moon reflected off a frozen lank. Like a tree swaying in the wind. Like two people in love. It is sweet deep stuff that yields ever unfolding rewards as you spend time with it.
That is the power of tenderness."

Saturday, July 7, 2007


I found a favourite commercial! I believe it is an advertisement for Sprint.
&also, this:

Friday, July 6, 2007

closer to my age.

I like that when two people enjoy one another, nay, love eachother, perhaps even more than themselves, they wed.
I truly do.
I also like that with a forehead covered in salty sweat and hands pricked by grass clippings, I could not love my father more.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Critics, beware! Dare to stand up & shout, "hooray!"

Yes, sir, you have let me down.
&i do not understand the sincerity in your ambiguity of shadows & silhouetted promises.
Your words of charm vapourized like the steam above my mug of tea.
I find it fitting to confess that it was my fault in part:
&even though it has been thundering&lightning&raining, [all at once!?]
Look! The forgiveness that has drenched my bones,
Has dampened your feet too.

Happy Birthday, friend.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

temporary agreement of lease.

"I hope that you are a disaster. I`m sorry, but I do. I hope that you are thunder and lightning. I hope you are a forest fire, I hope you kill the dead wood and burn off the rotting leaves. With the canopy gone, the sun can get in. You need new growth. I hope you`re terrible and broken and perfect." -asw.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The Love of the Last Tycoon

"It takes more than brains. You writers and artists poop out and get all mixed up and somebody has to come in and straighten you out." He shrugged his shoulders. "You seem to take things so personally, hating people and worshipping them -- always thinking people are so important -- especially yourselves. You just ask to be kicked around. I like people and I like them to like me but I wear my heart where God put it -- on the inside." F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Riding Home.

"You may not remember the time you let me go first. Or the time you dropped back to tell me it wasn't that far to go. Or the time you waited at the crossroads for me to catch up. You may not remember any of those, but I do & this is what I have to say to you: today, no matter what it takes, we ride home together."

Thursday, June 21, 2007

on June twenty-first.

"Oh! The infinite curiousities of arctic blue popsicles, chlorinated swimming pools, and sunburned sleeps; the waking up after the moon and riding bicycles barefooted down the dusky streets that smell of laundry detergent and six different colours of life."
I`d like them all.

Monday, June 11, 2007


I need the Jesus who is as real and raw as my chapped hands on a blustery February morning.
Pray that my love will be as relentless as the high and low tides.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

the kindest hands that have ever touched my bones

Well, I have risen from ashes and been called clean
I`ve been sprinkled with the water that purified me
And I kissed my baby, slept in the morning; till time came to take her from me
And if I was honest with myself I just can`t forgive these witches and vampires and women that hurt me
Raising the question, it must be a decision; nail my bitter to the wall
'Cause it`s a new day and I want to be livin` a new day with You
'Cause it`s a new day, that I have been given; a new day with You.
Stronger men than me, they have retired, punched clean out of this life
And in way, I don`t blame them, they`ve seen more than I have
When their angels close their eyes
And it`s true what they say, she can only meet them, somewhere just past halfway.
And it`s there I`ll be waiting, by that old woodshed, You nailed my bitter to the wall
'Cause it`s a new day, and I want to be livin`; a new day with You
It`s a new name that I have been given, a new name by You
'Cause it`s a new day, and I want to be livin`; a new day with You
'Cause it`s a new day, that I have been given; a new day with You

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

6. pick up sticks

1. What is the What. -David Eggers
2. New World Cafe. -88.1 Frequency Modulation
3. Trusting Soul. -Brian Andreas
4. Shiloh & Geoffrey. -Mr. and Mrs. Deitz/Jensen
5. Tiny Feathers.

Saturday, June 2, 2007


scene 5.

1. Extravagent homes I see but am not found wanting.
2. Sand.
3. Baby sharks.
4. Milton Bradley Board Games played with Anna and Jacob.
5. What are the whats that matter are people.

Friday, June 1, 2007

repose 4.

1. Moving.
2. Curious pieces of litter.
3. Resilience.
4. Dave Eggers.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

movement three.

1. Chalky fingers.
2. A doe-eyed, matted haired child.
3. Picnic tables.
4. Mamma.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

pt. 2.

1. Easy rain falling.
2. Typewriters.
3. The sweet, wiser women at the circulation desk in the library.
4. Listening to others.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

things to get reaquainted with.

1. Stop taking myself so seriously.
2. Listening to public radio.
3. Children, specifically seven and eight year olds.
4. Joy.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

I just went to a wedding.

I feel off.
The bells rang two hours late.
I knew this boy when we were on the cross-country team together. I rode in their mini-van. We sweated Saturdays and dilapidated rest stops. We were class mates; friends even.
So all I want to know is, who said this was allowed to happen?
& why do I still feel so unprepared?
Have mercy.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

we were kings of the day.

that wasn`t really what i wanted to say at all.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


Dear Raindrops,
Water fell from the sky today.
After the sprinkling I wanted to stand outside and smell the tinny air. And I thought that perhaps one day I would live in a place that had rainfalls, and I would walk slower and talk less and love people the way they needed to be loved.
And today I am still wandering.
And today it`s o.k. to feel a little aimless; and the next today is allowed to stand on her own.
Today I fell freely.
Today I moved on impulses other than my own.
Today was full of life and not death.
Today was new.

Monday, May 14, 2007

I do not exist.

and ashamed, I whispered, "But Lord, all I have to offer You are these feeble hands and wandering feet and lustful heart and two dirty pocket pigeons."
so He took them.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

oh, little girl

you`re just a little girl.

Dear Jesus,
I would like to have a sweetheart now.
But You are saying, "not yet."
Will You let me be o.k. with that?

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

I fear that

your presence makes my heart pitter a bit too quickly.
And I have held this caution sign for so long, that perhaps the edges have been worn and dampened.
But if you must handle this cardiovascular muscle of mine, please do so the kindest that you ever have.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

a letter.

Dear Arianna,
Was there ever a time that I failed you? Have I ever forgotten to taken care of you? Have I ever lost faith? How many sparrows do you think you are worth, my child?
Rest, little bird.

Monday, April 23, 2007

I was a brute beast before You.

rest from the North wind.
rest from the South wind.
rest from the East and from the West.

"Yet I am always with You; You hold me by my right hand."

Sunday, April 15, 2007

2 teeny, tiny

boots by the
curb on the
perfectly placed,
side by side
as if...
though I hesitate to say
as if the legs once inside the shoes
attached to the body of a babe
had been snatched up into the sky
and left me here,
too busy writing
to realize
my own

Monday, April 9, 2007

a million miles close

When I saw you for the first time today, it was good.
My heart did not leap inside of my chest.
The way I thought that it was supposed to.
There were no butterflies.
And yet,
And yet,
Even though I stood skillfully,
On my own two feet;
[My two legs
Were no match for your eight.]
I tripped over my words.


Friday, April 6, 2007


What does it mean to truly love again?
&How do I befriend this child who has changed almost beyond my understanding, and how do I intercede for this child who has not felt Your eternal peace in over twenty-two years, and how do I agape this child that makes me smile and hope against hope?
Have mercy on us.

Psalm 91: "He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge."

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Slow Cure

has some sort of disease where you hallucinate and start not to believe in love, but after a year or two, or even sometimes ten or twenty, it cures itself and all that`s left are a few little red spots that twinge and ache whenever you get too near someone else that has the disease and it`s all you can do to stop from reaching out and holding them close.

Monday, April 2, 2007

and the sidewalk holds diamonds like a jewelry store case

I went to Knapp's Castle this Saturday with four / sevenths of my family.
I found assorted jewels. [apart from the ones with me] Sure, they may just look like pieces of glass to some, but just you wait!

Friday, March 23, 2007

on being joyful and content.

"Every time we do it it`s a new world. I live again. Love is implicit in every connection. It should be. Thus when absent it makes us insane. It breaks our equilibrium and we have to flounder for reasons. When we pass by another person without telling them we love them it`s cruel and wrong and we all know this. We live in a constant state of denial and imbalance."

Thursday, March 22, 2007

have mercy on us.

I wandered into a field two evenings ago and played fetch with a border collie and a frisbee. I saw the sky change colours, and even smelled some spring. [yesterday was the first day, you know] How great the Father`s love that He should come to me with the sparrows and a dog and a lonely bench now befriended.

Sunday, March 4, 2007

you shall know our velocity.

"I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I`m very happy."

Sunday, January 21, 2007

oh, little girl

you`re just a little girl.
Dear Jesus,
I would like to have a sweetheart now.
But You said, "not yet."
Will You let me be o.k. with that?
P.S. If you put on some slacks, I`ll wear a dress and we can go to the art museum for free on Sundays.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

me either.

"I no longer feel the awkward obligation to fill silent spaces with mindless self-centered chatter."

Monday, January 8, 2007

my dewey-eyed disney bride, what has tried

I would like to make a conscious effort to maintain ties with Florida this time around.
In other words, I fashioned a bird out of fabric, cotton balls, embroidery floss, staples, a needle, and a feather. I think she will be called Life.
Refill, please, Jesus.

Monday, January 1, 2007