on days.

there are some times when fresh air is just the ticket to the wisconsin family`s much-anticipated annual vacation
& the smell of chlorine and hot-tubs, lion paws &duck landings, barely brushing the backside of water reminds me that to be antsy is to be alive
and to be alive is to feel
and feeling is hurting inside your innards,
flying past framed photographs,
still wondering what you could be.

i still use kid shampoo.

the air tonight was heavy with the traces of a summer that i would never hold: a syrupy, sweet thickness of sticky popsicles and hand-squeezed lemonade that made me instinctively pedal faster, knowing this indulgence was far too rich for me.
families &sidewalks of streets, lazy summer dinners, night-time readings, and bed-time prayers floated just above my head, just past the place where i could comfortably reach-[oh, but if i stretched just a little bit farther...]
&you, with all 99 of your red, hope-filled balloons, reminding me that you`re off soon: to wherever those dreams touch down.
ask me if i`d like to come along for the journey, for company, or just for someone to talk to, perhaps.
but i cannot leave the ground so easily, with that lost summer floating so lackadaisically close to my brain.
&so i instinctively pedal faster and faster, hoping the dust will cover you in my wake.

what better place?

"Life is grace. Sleep is forgiveness. The night absolves. Darkness wipes the slate clean, not spotless to be sure, but clean enough for another day`s chalking." -f.b.

wally.

wally is an australian wombat, &we rescued him from goodwill!
[jackie is a real black cat that we did not adopt from goodwill.]

verão

i hope you can hear me way up [and over] there.
i hope you know that for the first time in a long time i am as a lone as the solitary polar bear,
[or the north wood moose]
but you can be assured that they are not spending their time as i ought:
with tea and meatless hotdogs.
&it`s not so much the fact that you are gone,
but that i must remember what it means to be a little more empty,
an ever-trusting soul,
minus indulgent sprees at the gallery & winning the snake`s mouth.

writer`s block

I am curious as to why we have not run into one another so far on campus.
[&after all this, that is all I have to say?!]

Legacy.

"I promise you not a moment will be lost as long as I have heart & voice to speak & we will walk again together with a thousand others & a thousand more & on & on until there is no one among us who does not know the truth: there is no future without love."

[andnot just that romantic kind, either.]

a smothering poem breathes in a breath of prose.

i think that perhaps, what if, oh, nevermind.

You dance as eloquently as you speak, I said, but it is time now for you to go under the hill.
Thank you for the waltz &teaching me the two-step.

Happy Camper

"What if we all got along &people loved each other &sang songs about peace? he said. Would that be a good world? &I said I didn`t know about that, but it would be a good summer camp &he looked at me &shook his head &said; it`s no wonder you`re leaving us with such a mess."

if you have the time...

Try a Little Tenderness,
by Alex V. Cook, Music Editor

"I find that tenderness often goes underestimated in this world. We try to channel our wolf nature to accomplish things, believing that its our howl and gnash that get business done in this world, but truly, it is the meek that inherit the earth. Wolves , without fail square off against each other and while the melee has its fireworks and sexiness, you end up with 1 or 2 dead wolves. The real power is wielded by those that keep it in check, their resolve quiet but unflinching, requiring no sense of combat or bombast to accomplish a goal. They aren`t fighting the thunderstorms, they are talking to he wind, and in the long run, they will get a better return on investment. It`s this quiet resolve that attracts me to spooky delicate acoustic music. Its parts are immediately recognizable, its structure ofter pared down to the minimum , making every element crucial. And I`m not talking Belle and Sebastian mellow here, I`m talking the spook folk of Will Oldham and Current 93 and Ben Chasny and now a new couple of forest dwellers Mi and L`au. She (Mi, Finnish) and and he (L`au, French) met in Paris where she worked as a model, he a soundtrack musician, did the bohemian flat-hopping thing and then bolstered by the warmth of their love made off to a cabin in the frozen woods of Finland, and their music reflects this spares essentiality. The music supporting their small voices consists of carefully picked guitar and the occasional mandolin. They trade off vocals, with Mi`s whisper and L`au`s clipped delivery making you listen closer, as if a ghost is telling you a secret.

The opening track "They Marry" picks and ticks like a clock, detailing the cycle of lover between lovers, with a feathery dizzying merry-go-round twinkle and swoon supporting it, while a later song actually title "Merry Go Round" sounds as if the contraption of the opening number has been drugged and is slowly winding itself into hibernation. It`s heavenly stuff, the slow orbits it creates. It`s in the sparser tracks like "Philosopher" however, where the real magic lies. The gentle acoustic guitar and light harmonies are akin to watching a candle flicker. "I`ve Been watching You" with its slow Nick Drake fingerpicked development shows the group to have a sinister side amongst all this sylvan filigree. "Burns" which highlights Mi`s voice the best, offers a solution for all those soft voiced women who are looking to sound powerful but end up sounding cutesy. Her vocal style is almost like a bamboo flute, simple but direct, cutting though the various ambiance that has been attached to the recording. "Older" languidly rolls out like a Quaalude sunset, while the string laden "A Word in Your Belly" has the deep grandeur of a John Adams or Arvo Part string piece, no doubt coming from L`au`s experience scoring for films. The way slight rain drops or something like that sound like they are falling on the strings themselves is just sublime.

This album is rife with twists and turns, toy pianos and zithers and who knows what else crop up here and there, but it`s in the voice and the palpable connection between the two that centers this most gentle and elegant of records. It reminds me of the earlier Damon and Naomi albums or maybe Dome (I think that`s what it was called, one of those lesser known Mute groups that only resurfaced in compilation albums) but with a decided hermetic cast about it. Like This Mortal Coil and Dead Can Dance with none of the bombast and twice the embers. Like the moon reflected off a frozen lank. Like a tree swaying in the wind. Like two people in love. It is sweet deep stuff that yields ever unfolding rewards as you spend time with it.
That is the power of tenderness."

jubilee.

I found a favourite commercial! I believe it is an advertisement for Sprint.
&also, this:

Critics, beware! Dare to stand up & shout, "hooray!"

Yes, sir, you have let me down.
&i do not understand the sincerity in your ambiguity of shadows & silhouetted promises.
Your words of charm vapourized like the steam above my mug of tea.
I find it fitting to confess that it was my fault in part:
&even though it has been thundering&lightning&raining, [all at once!?]
Look! The forgiveness that has drenched my bones,
Has dampened your feet too.


Happy Birthday, friend.

temporary agreement of lease.

"I hope that you are a disaster. I`m sorry, but I do. I hope that you are thunder and lightning. I hope you are a forest fire, I hope you kill the dead wood and burn off the rotting leaves. With the canopy gone, the sun can get in. You need new growth. I hope you`re terrible and broken and perfect." -asw.

Riding Home.

"You may not remember the time you let me go first. Or the time you dropped back to tell me it wasn't that far to go. Or the time you waited at the crossroads for me to catch up. You may not remember any of those, but I do & this is what I have to say to you: today, no matter what it takes, we ride home together."

the kindest hands that have ever touched my bones

Well, I have risen from ashes and been called clean
I`ve been sprinkled with the water that purified me
And I kissed my baby, slept in the morning; till time came to take her from me
And if I was honest with myself I just can`t forgive these witches and vampires and women that hurt me
Raising the question, it must be a decision; nail my bitter to the wall
'Cause it`s a new day and I want to be livin` a new day with You
'Cause it`s a new day, that I have been given; a new day with You.
Stronger men than me, they have retired, punched clean out of this life
And in way, I don`t blame them, they`ve seen more than I have
When their angels close their eyes
And it`s true what they say, she can only meet them, somewhere just past halfway.
And it`s there I`ll be waiting, by that old woodshed, You nailed my bitter to the wall
'Cause it`s a new day, and I want to be livin`; a new day with You
It`s a new name that I have been given, a new name by You
'Cause it`s a new day, and I want to be livin`; a new day with You
'Cause it`s a new day, that I have been given; a new day with You

6. pick up sticks

1. What is the What. -David Eggers
2. New World Cafe. -88.1 Frequency Modulation
3. Trusting Soul. -Brian Andreas
4. Shiloh & Geoffrey. -Mr. and Mrs. Deitz/Jensen
5. Tiny Feathers.

well...

scene 5.

1. Extravagent homes I see but am not found wanting.
2. Sand.
3. Baby sharks.
4. Milton Bradley Board Games played with Anna and Jacob.
5. What are the whats that matter are people.

I just went to a wedding.

I feel off.
The bells rang two hours late.
I knew this boy when we were on the cross-country team together. I rode in their mini-van. We sweated Saturdays and dilapidated rest stops. We were class mates; friends even.
So all I want to know is, who said this was allowed to happen?
& why do I still feel so unprepared?
Have mercy.