boots, heavier.

Sometimes my chest feels like an old, bedraggled tomcat crawled in and filled its entirety with paws and half a tail and one scarred eye. And sometimes all I can hope is that a wild pack of dogs will come careening around the next corner and chase him off for a while.
Leaving room for the next critter to climb in.

any thing, really.

we forget what it means: lingering under the lamplight, anxious to get home,
holding hands as cold and limp as a freshly caught bullfrog.
saying words like, "oh, remember when?" & "why can`t it be like that?"
well, i am sorry if I had encouraged you to feel any less beautiful, or handsome, or creative, or worthy.
some things ought to be said about that.

In Summery

[polaroid by Geoffrey Chamis-Jensen]

i think i did not know what to expect from the months between april &september.
whether they would be fast or sluggish or chilly or warm.
i suppose all of these.
i think i did not know what to expect of you at our casita under the Bougainvillea vines.
whether you would visit often or little or drink tea or play games.
i suppose none of these, really.
i think i did not know what to expect from 2,219 x 5,280 feet.
whether they would cry or smirk or well-come me if i could.
i suppose the last one.
i think i did not know what to expect when i traded those cuatro neumáticos para dos neumáticos.
whether i would be pedaling or sweating or proud.
todo tres, you know.
i think i did not know what to expect when i became friends with mamas &papas, esposos y esposas.
whether they would invite me over or rose garden the desk or ignore my humble conversaciones.
i suppose you can figure this one out, easily.
i think i did not know what to expect when i started growing un corazón fiel, dos manos honestas y dos pies pacíficos.
whether my bitterness could disfigure all that faithfullness?
creo que yo todavía pienso de eso.

what better place?

"Life is grace. Sleep is forgiveness. The night absolves. Darkness wipes the slate clean, not spotless to be sure, but clean enough for another day`s chalking." -f.b.

i am a child in these hills.

I think I would like to join a house church.
I think we need more "hey, Dad," prayers, sloppiness and true community, tears, rejoicing with the rejoicers, and fracturing with the broken. We ought to break bread together &linger over fellowship longer. I should walk more slowly, talk more gently, &love more strongly. It appears that the Lord is more interested in the marginalized outskirted pocket pigeons of society, than the popular, unblemished lambs. I am one of those pigeons, you know. Perhaps we all are. What if we are just sposed to flock together, care for one another, and line our nests with feathers &soft things?
How good and pleasing it is when brothers &sisters dwell together in unity!

our old neighbour with four cats.

I hesitated to think about the future today.
But then your letter came. &I wasn`t so afraid.

we only know four boring people

"There are too many internet memes about figuring out which key you are on the keyboard, and there are maybe not enough memes for telling your friends about exciting beautiful things that made your day better. You should do that, today! That is what I am doing, friends!" -j. comeau

!

"I`m going to start setting realistic goals for myself. I`m going to skateboard every day for as long as the weather allows. I`m going to practice picking locks more regularly. I`m going to improve my French. I'm going to improve my Arabic. I`m going to learn to fight. I`m going to live in a decommissioned submarine with my friends. Good morning, Jeff. Ping. Are we out of toast? Ping. We`ll have to send someone into town. Ping. I`m going to start going out at night, dressed all in black, with my hood up. I`m going to stand in the shadows where a lot of people walk past. I`m going to encrypt my hard drive for fun. I`m going to encrypt the words, "You do good work" and I`m going to send it to every intelligence agency I can think of. "

as bold as lions.

Wisdom wears care full shawls, &walks slowly, &speaks softly, even between eight and eleven.
&knows that it is good to hear words, and recognise whose voice it belongs to.
even when you are ambiguous.

Critics, beware! Dare to stand up & shout, "hooray!"

Yes, sir, you have let me down.
&i do not understand the sincerity in your ambiguity of shadows & silhouetted promises.
Your words of charm vapourized like the steam above my mug of tea.
I find it fitting to confess that it was my fault in part:
&even though it has been thundering&lightning&raining, [all at once!?]
Look! The forgiveness that has drenched my bones,
Has dampened your feet too.


Happy Birthday, friend.

stop the moving and the painful rearranging

dear friend,
it seems as though i am 'withdrawing' myself from my friends. i don't understand why i would do such a thing. preparing for when i finally do have to go away? maybe. or perhaps i am just weird. i feel as though i should just be quiet and watch and listen, and not saying anything at all. and smile. just smile at everyone. i hope this doesn't make you think less of me. i'm still me; i haven't changed. maybe the difference is that everyone else has, or is in the process. and i'm not. maybe i've jumped on friendships with too much vivacity and scared you away. or maybe i tried too hard to impress you. i'm sorry if i did. i'm sorry for everything i've done that would drive you away. i love you all, truly i do. i think it'd be very nice to buy someone a star. incidentally, my books on vegetarian(ism) came in at the library.
with love,
arianna