it seems as though i am 'withdrawing' myself from my friends. i don't understand why i would do such a thing. preparing for when i finally do have to go away? maybe. or perhaps i am just weird. i feel as though i should just be quiet and watch and listen, and not saying anything at all. and smile. just smile at everyone. i hope this doesn't make you think less of me. i'm still me; i haven't changed. maybe the difference is that everyone else has, or is in the process. and i'm not. maybe i've jumped on friendships with too much vivacity and scared you away. or maybe i tried too hard to impress you. i'm sorry if i did. i'm sorry for everything i've done that would drive you away. i love you all, truly i do. i think it'd be very nice to buy someone a star. incidentally, my books on vegetarian(ism) came in at the library.