sleepy, california.

"I used to think that I knew my way around this town, But I`m all ways getting lost since you`re not around
I never thought that I would say this, but I miss my mom
Even though for all those years we didn`t get along
And when I stop to think about it I guess we were the same: too stubborn to apologize, too filled up on rage

I wish she felt young again, when everything was new
When her father held her hand & said, "There`s nothing you can`t do"

And then I woke up to a phone call right on Christmas day
It said, "Your grandmother is dying in a painful way: her lungs are filling up with fluid even as we speak, the doctor said that if she`s lucky, she`ll make it 'til next week"
I had one last chance to see her right before I moved, but I didn`t end up going, I used some lame excuse

I hope that she`s not scared lying there alone
I hope she hears her husband`s voice, telling her she`s coming home

It`s just Sleepy California, but I just hope they know
It`s just Sleepy California, how much I really care
It`s just Sleepy California, how I want the best for them
It`s just Sleepy California, even though I`m hardly there"

In Summery

[polaroid by Geoffrey Chamis-Jensen]

i think i did not know what to expect from the months between april &september.
whether they would be fast or sluggish or chilly or warm.
i suppose all of these.
i think i did not know what to expect of you at our casita under the Bougainvillea vines.
whether you would visit often or little or drink tea or play games.
i suppose none of these, really.
i think i did not know what to expect from 2,219 x 5,280 feet.
whether they would cry or smirk or well-come me if i could.
i suppose the last one.
i think i did not know what to expect when i traded those cuatro neumáticos para dos neumáticos.
whether i would be pedaling or sweating or proud.
todo tres, you know.
i think i did not know what to expect when i became friends with mamas &papas, esposos y esposas.
whether they would invite me over or rose garden the desk or ignore my humble conversaciones.
i suppose you can figure this one out, easily.
i think i did not know what to expect when i started growing un corazón fiel, dos manos honestas y dos pies pacíficos.
whether my bitterness could disfigure all that faithfullness?
creo que yo todavía pienso de eso.

08-16517

"under street lamps &from behind children`s stories,
we are peering:
we love you.

past concreted streets &scraped knees,
we love you.

with burning hearts &bloodied hands,
we are screaming:
we love you.

under softest blankets &feathered comforters,
whispering:
we love you.

with dirt under our finger nails, tripping over our joy,
we are singing:
we love you.

&me, splashing in to the ocean, after abandoning my only ship,
i am panicking:
i need You!"

9

i found some kiss my face hand creme in golf-cart fifteen today.
it`s the little things, you know.

july third, two thousand seven

"&I dreamed of syrupy fingered innocence, stickers on the car windows, laughing, crying, unbroken circles of families in sundresses & linen pants & camping, fishing & gardening & standing up for the softer ones, & gentleness & scrabble, orange juice, & "have a sunny side up day" notes in lunch boxes, and resting & moving & mattering & selflessness as constant as my mother`s arms, in a world not made for families & black sheeps, but we are these things, and have made it a home, anyway."

on shutting doors &locking them.

i would like to tell you that all is well on the Western front:
what?! with all these warrings &massacres,
you`d think we`d be fine by now.

but i must admit it is harder than before to prematurely return joyously from my gulf-front home.
when i am not quite ready to please all those hungry troops.
when i am not quite ready to give in to the demands of my well-respected army.

&perhaps i will look back and remember that it wasn`t raining that day,
or that it was quiet last night,
or that my bed was very soft.

but perhaps not.
&i think mostly what i am learning is this:
i do not much care for the business-side of growing up.

i want [need] a dog.

(Akira Liwanag / European Pressphoto Agency)

we awoke early this morning, without any encouragement from the sun.
so you followed me around until i was ready to go:
[oh! but you don`t have to deal with the necessities of clothes and under wears and clean teeth!]
"let`s go! let`s go!" you urge.
all right. all right.
it`s the same walk we stride every morning, the same sidewalk you refuse to tread on, the same mailbox you p...well, you know.
&while i am lost, musing over the night`s peculiarities, you snuffle around in the brush, a single purple flower caught on your chin.
but i have grown fond of our quiet adventures, interrupted only by the sounds of morning showers, kiddie pool frollicks, &good intentioned neighbours.
&i am beginning to descry life in a way that no car driver, bicycle pedaler, running footer, or solitary walker ever could.